Domestic Abuse... Who's To Blame?!
Inside the life of Women Enuff, Inc President/Founder... I will never fear the truth, however, I will stomp out the lies of domestic abuse!
There is nothing more hurtful than someone making a mockery of your situation in which the ultimate pain was bestowed upon you physically and mentally. They first make excuses, they then recruit others to join in on their antics and finally they deny all allegations of abuse to not seem as monstrous as their actions have made them!
I've endured many more beatings than just those given from the hands of a previous mate. These beatings have come in the form of other's unknowledgeable comment and instigation of a situation that they know absolutely NOTHING about. Picture this... You have FINALLY been released from this person's "possession" and have been able to regain such peace that allows you to move on and start over! Yet, although this person is no longer in your presence, you get daily text messages, calls and even threats of what would happen if you moved on.
My birthday arrives and to my surprise, I not only received a text, but also a call to my job that had myself and co-workers concerned as it was "him" calling. But why?! I have asked him very nicely to not contact me and just move on multiple times! Well, March 22 was the day where everything would be taken a step further. Many people in my town consider anyone who calls police when conflict arises, a "snitch" or "the police", however; I was fine with that title as long as I had legit reasoning for my actions and I believe that on this day, my actions matched my concern.
"He" was calling my job, calling my cellular device and making threats via text as this was not new, but what was new was that he was now including his new live-in girlfriend of one week whom knew nothing about who he was. This man lost his kids just years prior due to his behaviors and domestic interactions with children in the home - I wish I knew this before I dealt with him, but we live and learn. On this day as she too began harassing me via FB, in which I'm sure stemmed from the one of many lies he has told her, I not only tried to warn her, but I also wanted to ensure she was careful with the caring of her children as this could potentially be a hurtful lesson. Instead of taking my advice or even considering it, she excused it and that was fine... However, knowing the father of her children for most my life, I could not just sit around and do nothing.
See, with this man the physical abuse did not come during our relationship, it came when I would attempt to leave the relationship. When attempting to leave the relationship TWO times, I was later hospitalized due to injuries incurred by him and his rage-filled actions. Leaving was a scary thing because his family was so "supportive" of his actions and felt he could never do any wrong. I mean, I understand being family-oriented but this family took it to an entirely different level!
I remember being at his grandmother's house being beat by him and his grandmother sitting there yelling at him to get off of me and stop hitting me. In the midst of this beating, he knocked over a plant in the left hand corner of the room near the front door of his grandmother's living room. When this happened, dirt from the plant landed on the carpet and what happened next would blow your mind! So, his cousin (whom is 17 at the time), walks over and I am thinking perhaps she will help me, call the police or something! Instead, she begins to clean up the mess from the plant and vacuum the floor as if nothing was even happening as he continued to beat me. I understood from a certain standpoint as he was arrested just months earlier for doing the exact thing to her! All I remember is seeing flashing lights outside of the window - Police across the street at the corner store just hoping they'd come over, hear me or something! Yet, they never came!!!
He would not allow me to leave his grandmother's house, he strangled me, hit me every time I would yell and held me captive for what seemed like hours. He took my phone and keys to my car until I finally convinced him I would not go to the police and to let me go! My only escape route was to pretend I would not leave him and we just needed a break from each other. I was forced to talk calmly and gain his trust until he trusted me enough to get outside the door. This is in no way, shape or form any fear that I wish upon anyone, even my worst enemy! Love does not hurt, and this HURT!!!
Fast forward months later and I am being blamed, taunted and harassed for being an informant on what may ultimately lead to this man's arrest for his continuous actions. Not simply the actions in which he committed domestic abuse, but the continued harassment and threatening behavior from himself and family members. He has chosen to bash me as a person and recruit others to assist in this "bash session" to make himself seem validated for what he's done. I've seen comments such as, "this is what she makes people do", "she has a smart mouth", "she's always getting restraining orders", "clearly she's the problem", etc - Let me say this to those whom have commented on circumstances they know nothing about! HOW DARE YOU and I have not, nor will I ever call the police in an instance in which is not warranted! I call the police to protect and serve as they have taken a vow to do.
This situation has now turned into social harassment and is being dealt with accordingly as well, privately with my attorneys. When this came about, his new girlfriend began commenting and sending me nasty messages via text message as well, which not only angered me but too concerned me as she was not even nearly aware as to what she has just entered into. I informed her of how she could be held liable for knowingly harboring a fugitive as he has warrants for the recent beatings and how DCFS could potentially take her children for housing this man with her and her children knowing these facts. I really hate that it had to come to such lengths but I'd do any say anything just to get him to STOP contacting me all together! Including bringing the proper authorities to his new residence with her. They painted this picture out to be that of a "scorned woman" wanting revenge, when in actuality, it was a woman done with the consistent nonsense that came from yet another bad choice in men/judgement. I left the relationship in peace and was hoping peace was what I'd receive in return, although that seemed very far fetched!
A recent post on Facebook stated this, "Deidra Collins ion know either of you on a personal level but what I will say is what the streets and a lot of people are thinking. You go through the same things with different partners. At some point YOU have to have accountability . If you have to constantly get restraining orders and go through court proceedings with EVERYONE you date then you are also a problem boo. I'm solely judging off what you've posted over the years. It's not a good look for you or your business. Damn sure not good for your children. You have to find your happiness within yourself before you seek it from others. I'll never say it's okay for a man to disrespect or hit a woman. But I also know there three sides to every story and the truth lies somewhere between yours and theirs. Not calling you a liar but I keep watching your relationships end the same way and my heart aches for you. Your friends should have pull u aside long ago and said you are too intelligent to keep putting yourself into these situations. My advice is focus less on giving Facebook this type of attention and focus more on getting yourself some help boo. Nothing about this is normal. Nothing at all!"
So this left people wondering, who is really to blame"?! Now, I will admit that I have made some very, very, very poor choices when it comes to my choice in men, however, I will NEVER admit that I have given reason or take fault for abuse bestowed upon me! No woman deserves this treatment in any capacity, ever! I have chosen this specific comment to post because it mentions in so many words how my "truth" is not a good look for me or my business (Women Enuff, Inc). I AM WOMEN ENUFF, INC so why hide who I am? If I have made mistakes, my job as the President and Founder is to own up to it, correct?! What's not a good look is to hide behind others' stories as if you have never been there! The only mistake I've made is falling in love with the wrong people and trying too hard to dress up a mannequin! You can put the fancy clothes on him and it still does not make him a real man!!! My entire life I feel like I have played a role in which I feel I can "fix" everyone and the truth is, I cannot... The only person who can change you is YOU!
Who is to blame? Welp, ladies AND gents (yes, men experience domestic abuse as well)... The only person to blame for this abuse is the abuser! The only mistake you made was loving someone you thought you knew and hoping would change... I'm here to tell you, they never do!
R.I. H. Camille
Domestic Violence Angel